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called out to heaven

by Wren Dove Lark

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Puppy
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Puppy plays on your heartstrings and then ties itself off with a hit right to the sensitive ventricle 😭💖😭 Favorite track: called out to heaven.
John O'Sullivan
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ecrxws
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Forrest Butler
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about

This song was written in 2020 post-"ODDBIRD" but before the sessions for "🙃". It was intended for a collaboration that the track ultimately didn't make sense for. Some of the lyrics in the bridge were a demo for a track that didn't end up on "ODDBIRD", but the rest were written after the fact. The song was initially inspired by my irritation at this boy I crushed on and who rejected me after spending MONTHS trying to conjure intimacy with me and leaving me confused until he pulled away from me after I asked for these feelings to be named. Very emo. Built around acoustic myspace emo band samples from songs I listened to when I was a brooding and angsty egg with no accessible avatars to project my mess of trans feelings onto besides effeminate scene boys. I'm so glad I've realized that I'm a lesbian since then.

lyrics

I hope you’ll spare some sympathy
I’m not available to be
The kind of friend you say that you need

But I hope you have somebody else
You deserve it

And I hope that fate will find a way
To let us live to see the day
We finally get the things we want

I think we’ve earned it

But that day is not today

‘Cause it’s dark out
And I’m lonely
And I’m missing
The old me

I get lost in my feelings
When it suddenly hits me

It’s like I’m flying high
For a moment
But you’ll cross my mind
Then I’m hopeless
And I’m reliving every memory of you I ever had

And I don’t care
If it hurts that
I find it hard
To just go back
To how it felt to still believe this fantasy inside my head

You weren’t there for me
The way it seemed you’d be
And now it’s clear to see
That there’s a cost to being close to you
And so

I called out to heaven
To ask her what I should do
And she told me I should try to forget you
And so

I called out to heaven again
To ask her how I can exist without you
And she told me “I know you’ll find a way to”
(I know you’ll find a way to)
“I know you’ll find a way to”
(I know you’ll find a way to)
“I know that it’s inside you”
(I know that it’s inside you)
You’re gonna find a way to
And I said “I wish I could believe you, but I can’t.”

“I wish I could believe you, but I can’t.”

Cause I’m scared of change
But something had to change
And I hate
We’re not as close as we were
There’ll be days when my brain
Will find a way to just escape
And then the trace you left behind becomes a blur

But that’s not today

Ain’t it strange how rotten memories just don’t decay

They just hurt me

When it’s dark out
And I’m lonely
And I’m missing
The old me

And I thought I’ve reached a place of peace
But it suddenly hits me

It’s like I’m flying high
For a moment
But you’ll cross my mind
Then I’m hopeless
And I’m reliving every memory of you I ever had

And I don’t care
If it hurts that
I find it hard
To just go back
To how it felt to still believe this fantasy inside my head

You weren’t there for me
The way it seemed you’d be
And now it’s clear to see
That there’s a cost to being close to you
And so

I called out to heaven
To ask her what I should do
And she told me I should try to forget you
And so

I called out to heaven again
To ask her how I can exist without you
And she told me “I know you’ll find a way to”
(I know you’ll find a way to)
“I know you’ll find a way to”
(I know you’ll find a way to)
“I know that it’s inside you”
(I know that it’s inside you)
You’re gonna find a way to
And I said “I wish I could believe you, but I can’t.”

“I wish I could believe you, but I can’t.”

At least not while I’m all hung up on

How I always thought birds of a feather flocked together
How I guess in certain cases they don’t
How I never would have guessed that we couldn’t last forever
How if it ain’t meant to work then it won’t
How I thought we were on one team
And we could merge into one dream
How I was wrong

How I guess it’s hard to move on

At least today

Make of that what you will

credits

released September 17, 2022
written and produced by Wren Dove Lark
art by Wren Dove Lark

license

all rights reserved

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about

Wren Dove Lark image

Wren Dove Lark Newark, New Jersey

I'm Wren (she/her). I write weird pop music for trans girls to cathartically cry to. If others get something from my music, that's awesome too. :)

Free Palestine 🇵🇸

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